Recovering from Religious Repression:
The Journey to Freedom
By Nanice Ellis
Freedom
is a very strong value for most people, but freedom can be misleading in many
ways.
You may appear to be free on the outside, especially if you “come and go” as
you please, but if you are repressed by any type of controlling organization,
no matter how well-meaning, you may be living in a virtual prison with
invisible bars.
Although this article is written for anyone experiencing
religious repression, it is not intended to point fingers or judge spiritual
beliefs. Rather, the intention is to identify the serious repercussions of
repression, while also enlightening a path to freedom. The first step is
recognizing the dynamics of organizational repression and how it seamlessly
operates through a system of disempowerment.
Repercussions of Repression
No
doubt, many religious organizations use various forms of repression in order to
control church members
so that they obey religious doctrine, but the irony is that repression does not
stop people from indulging in “sinful behavior” and, in fact, it often results
in the exact opposite.
Statistics and direct experience clearly demonstrate that the more rules and
consequences a society has, the more “illicit behavior” develops. Although this
applies to any religion where repression is pervasive, and we are not just
talking about any one religion, the statistics found in Utah, USA exemplifies
the cost of religious repression.
Although
Utah is one of the most beautiful places on Earth, it is actually most known
for its predominant religious culture. On the surface, there is a strong
emphasis on family values, morals, and ethics – most people are kind and appear
relatively happy, but if you look at statistics, you quickly discover that
appearances are drastically deceiving, and, in fact, countless “white picket
fences” cloak dysfunctional dynamics that top the national average.
Even
though over 60% of Utah’s residents are Latter-Day Saints (members of the
Mormon Church) and Mormonism forbids the use of drugs, including alcohol,
tobacco, coffee, and even tea, Utah has one of the highest rates of prescription
drug addiction in the USA, as well as related deaths caused by opiate
overdose.
The
church also strongly emphasizes family values, and yet Utah’s domestic violence
homicide rate is 13 percent higher than the rest of the nation with domestic
violence homicides accounting for 47 percent of all homicides in Utah in
2015. Utah’s child abuse statistics are also among the highest in the
country, and, in fact, statistics show that more children are sexually abused
in Utah than any other US state.
Taking
all this into consideration, it is not surprising that a study by Mental Health America
ranked Utah the most depressed state, which explains why Utah has the highest
rate of anti-depressant
drug use in the USA. Sadly, a devastating symptom of Utah’s excessively
high prevalence of depression is the tripling of its youth suicide rate
since just 2007. And, if all that is still not enough, with similarly high
statistics on rape and sexual assault, Google search trends have ranked Utah
the #1 porn capital of America, which is quite astounding when you consider
that the Mormon religion condemns any sexual conduct outside marital relations,
including pornography and even masturbation.
Although
there may be ways to rationalize these statistics, they inevitably point to a serious issue that
demonstrates the repercussions of repression. Many other studies
conclude that the fall-out
of repression commonly results in some form of escape that inevitably
leads to an underworld of shame and secrecy, involving drugs, sex or other
addictions, and often manifests as anxiety disorders, depression, and suicide.
As
we explore the dynamics of religious repression, please remember that we are
not singling out any one religion — we
are talking about any religion that promotes judgment, obedience and therefore,
disempowerment.
Why Repression Backfires
Repression
virtually always operates through a system of fear that relies on
self-judgment to drive self-regulation; this means that church members are
taught to judge themselves according to religious doctrine, and consequently,
their fear of disobedience is intended to prevent “ungodly behavior.”
However,
this ultimately backfires because it is human nature to be attracted to those
forbidden behaviors, and, therefore, those behaviors become compelling. As a
result, one of two things occurs: 1) We suppress our desires, but suppression
often results in psychological disorders such as anxiety and depression. 2) We
act on our desires in secrecy, but the shame and secrecy of indulging in a
forbidden behavior can create an addiction to the behavior or cause other types
of dysfunctions.
When it comes to repression, every road leads to, and
from, disempowerment — and when people feel powerless, their behaviors become
dysfunctional.
The Purpose of Repression
Many
religions began with pure intentions but whenever there is a hierarchy of power and the potential
for monetary gain, the religion inevitably becomes a business and its church
may even become a corporation. Although local church leaders may have high
spiritual ethics, they don’t always realize that they work for a business and
that many of the church’s rules and bylaws are intended to perpetuate profits.
Just as retail stores need buyers, all religions need believers — followers —
and this means that it is necessary to foster a parish that blindly
follows the faith and doesn’t raise questions that could threaten the
(financial) integrity of the organization — and therefore, repression
is a necessary component to its survival.
Most
local church leaders are completely unaware of the consequences that inevitably
spring forth from religious repression, and because they have no idea that
repression leads to the behaviors it is meant to inhibit, they unknowingly
perpetuate the very “sins” they condemn.
When religious rules undermine the values they are meant
to preserve, those rules are self-sabotaging and obsolete.
The Formula for Repression
The
dynamics of repression are meant to be invisible from within the organization, but when you
observe from outside, the formula for repression is easy to identify.
Step 1: Powerlessness
When
a church is built on the premise that people are spiritually powerless without
the religion, and must depend on the religion’s leaders, and/or following
religious doctrine in order to have a relationship with God, it sets the stage
for repression.
If
you were born into a religion or any structured organization, you probably had
no awareness of transferring your power to this entity, simply because you
modeled your parents and other abiding members, and more than likely, you had
no idea that you even had any power to give in the first place.
Nonetheless,
any time we believe something has more power than us, power over us or the power
to provide something we think we need, we instinctively relinquish power –
inadvertently giving our intrinsic power to that external source. Once we give
it away, organizations can use it to control us any way they desire, and
in most cases, that powerlessness makes us blind to the very dynamic that
causes it.
However,
an external entity can never
repress or imprison you unless you give it your power, and, in fact, it has no
power over you without using your power against you.
Step 2: Conditional Worth
Through
formal and informal religious teachings, church members are taught strict
conditions and rules that must be consistently met in order to be worthy of
church membership, family inclusion and good standing in the community. Acceptance
and approval are the rewards for obedience, but in order to meet the rules and
live up to the conditions, natural authentic expression must be repressed. And
when expression is repressed, disempowerment results.
Due
to unrealistic expectations, it is impossible to meet all the rules and
conditions all
the time, which results in inevitable failure and consequently, shame. But just
the thought of disobeying religious doctrine is enough to induce feelings of
guilt, impending regret, and fear of rejection, and, in fact, church members
are systematically programmed to feel unworthy to such a deep extent that even
secret shortcomings induce shame — in some faiths, they must even be
secretly ‘confessed’ to the church organization — and this allows
religions to control each member internally.
Preying
upon the fear of unworthiness is a powerful strategy for repression because
there is no greater manipulation than teaching people that their worth is
conditioned on following rules, especially when you consider that human beings
instinctively fear that unworthiness will lead to “tribal shame” and
abandonment, and our primitive instincts associate this with the fear of death.
Furthermore,
according to some religions, shame follows us into the next dimension, making us
unworthy of eternal salvation or other heavenly rewards, and depending on the
religion, if you are deemed unworthy, your punishment for “bad behavior” might
be eternal damnation where your loved ones go to a heavenly afterworld while
you go somewhere else.
No
doubt, the horrific fear of “tribal shame” and eternal punishment perpetuates
powerlessness and repression, but even holy promises and impending dread are
often not enough without two more steps in the formula.
Step 3: System of Judgment
As
parishioners portray an acceptable image and conform to the standards that are
dictated by the organization, they play the game according to the rules by
fulfilling roles, performing required duties, paying dues or tithing
(donations), and acting according to expectations. In order to make sure
everyone is complying, an invisible system of judgment is in place.
Although
usually unspoken, church members are expected to keep each other in line
through “mutual judgment”, which means that your church community of friends
and family are always watching you (and you are always watching them) and if
you break the rules for any reason, someone you know might report you to church
officials who deal with you directly through punishment or even rejection from
the church, but possibly even worse than excommunication, your “sins” are
publicized through community gossip, resulting in “tribal shame” and feelings
of worthlessness that can cause deep emotional trauma, and with no support from
those closest to you, the repercussions of being judged ultimately manifest —
as demonstrated in the kind of statistics I mentioned earlier.
One
important thing to keep in mind is that that fear of “tribal shame” (being
shamed by one’s community) always makes people conceal behaviors that could be
judged, and this leads to secrecy — a device of disempowerment and division.
Step 4: The Invisible Power of Secrecy
Virtually all dysfunctional behaviors and dangerous
social dynamics are held together by secrecy, and, in fact, the formula for
repression creates the space where an ‘underworld’ of shame and secrecy can
grow unnoticed.
If
no one is openly talking about their issues and everyone is hiding their real
thoughts and feelings because they are afraid of being judged or reported, each
individual silently believes that he/she is the only one with any problems or
concerns, and believing you are the only one increases the fear of judgment and
consequences, thereby perpetuating more secrecy. Even though you might be part
of a “tight-knit” religious community, when you have to hide your real self or face
intolerable judgment and possible rejection for speaking openly, it is very
common to feel all alone in your own confined world — and this often results in
anxiety, depression and suicidal ideation.
Even
though churches pretend to shun secrecy, they really depend on it to keep
church members repressed, and, in fact, the Invisible
Power of Secrecy is the glue that holds the whole illusion
together. Without secrecy, large groups of people could not be repressed — only
through a system of secrecy and separation can an organization maintain the
blind compliance of its followers.
While repression creates a world of secrecy, secrecy
perpetuates the cycle of repression.
Recovering from Repression — The Journey to
Freedom
Recovering
from religious repression is a journey from disempowerment to freedom, and it usually
takes a fair amount of time — but in the end, nothing is of greater value.
The
journey begins when you choose freedom over repression and you acknowledge that
you have the right and ability to reclaim your power. But, you must do it for
yourself, and you must be prepared to overcome resistance from those who are
invested in your repression, as well as those who are also programmed to be repressed.
The
following guide is intended to assist you on this journey:
Disentangle Your Worth:
As
long as your worth is conditioned on meeting unrealistic religious expectations, you will
consequently give your power away, so it is essential to begin the process of claiming
your worth, and this requires you to release the need for external approval and
acceptance. Deep inside, you already know that you are unconditionally worthy,
and you do not need approval or acceptance from anyone. Inevitably, this means
that you must stop seeking external permission, you must listen to your inner
guidance and you must learn
to trust yourself.
Relinquish Perfection:
Maybe
your religion teaches that you must exhibit “perfect behavior” in order to be
saved,
but salvation cannot be found through perfection because, first of all, you
don’t need to be saved by an external source, and second of all, perfection is
impossible to attain because it is unrealistic, and no matter how perfect you
may try to be, just like quicksand, the perpetual pitfalls of perfection will
suck you into shame and secrecy at every turn. So, instead of wasting precious
energy by judging imperfect behavior (yours and others), why not save yourself
by practicing radical forgiveness? Subsequently, as you generously allow
yourself space to breathe without perfection’s
punishing hand, you will discover the space for exploration and
expression, and as you slowly fill this space, you will align with
freedom. (Also see: The Cure
for Perfectionism (A Sneaky Name for Self-Judgment!)
Find Objective Help:
Find
a counselor, therapist or open minded professional (or friend) who is not
connected to the religion in any way. This should be someone who can
objectively support you, and if you so choose, help you break free of
repression (regardless of whether you stay or leave the religion). Also,
consider that group support can ease your journey out of repression. If you
cannot locate a local support group, why not create one yourself? You might be
surprised who shows up to join you.
Obliterate Secrecy:
Healing
the fall-out of repression
requires the obliteration of secrecy because when issues are revealed, it
becomes impossible for them to perpetuate in the same way. Of course,
disclosure alone does not resolve dysfunctional dynamics, but without it,
healing and resolution are nearly impossible.
Putting
an end to secrecy dissolves the foundation of religious repression because once
parishioners begin to share honestly, the truth is exposed and it is not long
before the organization loses power.
Open
communication will likely bring hidden issues to a head, and, as a result,
things might seem to get worse before they get better, but if you can ride the
tide by being true to yourself, the turbulent current will slowly begin to calm
down over time, and along with your power, you can reclaim your life.
Communication and information results in empowerment and
empowered followers stop following.
Plant Seeds of Higher Consciousness:
As
your fear subsides and your confidence grows, consider “planting seeds” that
get others asking their own questions. Humanity’s collective consciousness is
waking up, so a gentle yet thought-provoking comment or question could be the
tipping point, and when you provide seeds of higher consciousness, it silently
communicates that you are someone others can open up to, when and if they are
ready, and you might actually be surprised where those seeds sprout.
Save Only Yourself:
Supporting
others on their journey to freedom is a beautiful gift, but remember you are
not responsible for anyone’s awakening but your own, and the more you try to
save those you love, the more you risk being pulled down to a level where you
can’t help anyone.
Along
those same lines, it is important to give up the idea that anyone or anything
can save you. The way out of repression is through self-empowerment and this
means that each person must find and express their own power. If you expect or
allow someone to save you, or you try to save someone, you are only trading one
form of repression for another, and, therefore, nothing really changes.
Discover the Truth:
In
the process of reclaiming your power, it is usually very helpful to understand
the hidden truth about the religion that seems to have power over you, so do
some independent research. As you investigate, be open minded and look for
“holes in the story” – where details don’t match up or history doesn’t make
sense. Discovering the truth may rock your whole world but, along with many
others on the same path, you will recover, and once free from repression you
can build a new foundation on solid ground.
Discover God on Your Own Terms!
Most
religious followers are taught that they need a “middle man” in order to commune
with God, and, therefore, if you want to have a spiritual relationship with the
Divine, you must depend on those “certified” as go-betweens.
The
truth is, you don’t need religion or a religious “middle man” in order to
connect with God, and, in fact, no matter what you have been told, a deep
connection with the Divine can only come through a direct relationship. So,
what would it look like to discover God on your own terms?
This
answer is unique for each of us, but one thing is clear – the Divine Connection
that most of us seek can only blossom when we stop looking outside ourselves.
Only by going within can you cultivate an intimate spiritual relationship with
God, and in this sacred space, you can finally experience the kind of
unconditional love that can heal you from the inside out.
As
you begin to remember who
you really are, the truth will dissolve the illusion of
powerlessness, shame, and unworthiness, and you will be free to express your
True-Self as you fearlessly live your best possible life!
We are living at a remarkable time of Global
Awakening, and, as a result, the restraints of repression are becoming
obvious so that we can finally free ourselves.
In love, grace and gratitude,
Nanice
Nanice Ellis: Recovering from Religious Repression: The Journey to Freedom
Video via Nanice Ellis on YouTube
About
the author:
Nanice Ellis has
been a professional Life Coach for 20 years, successfully coaching women
and men from all over the world. She is also an author, Theta Healer and
Master Neuro Linguistic Practitioner.
Helping
people to make quantum jumps in their lives, Nanice’s very unique
coaching style is often referred to as the “Nanice Effect”. By using powerful
and proven manifestation techniques, Nanice coaches people to tap into the
power of the Universe and live their dreams, bridging the gap from the
imagination to the realization of that dream. She works with leaders, coaches,
healers and anyone who wants to live life to the fullest. You can
learn more about the coaching programs offered at: Coaching Programs with Nanice.
Nanice
is the author of several books, including the inspirational The
Infinite Power of You! and Even Gandhi Got Hungry and Buddha Got Mad! She is
also the host of radio show Chai
with Nanice. Her books are available at: Nanice.com/6/Books and here on Amazon.
From Wake Up World @
http://wakeup-world.com/2016/10/23/recovering-from-religious-repression-the-journey-to-freedom/
For more information about the regional lies known as
religions see http://nexusilluminati.blogspot.com/search/label/religion
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