Why I Chose To Un-School My Son
by Nikkie Gray
Now
more than ever before our society is seeing the need to take matters into our
own hands
and not rely on others to get the job done for us. The topic of un-schooling
has become quite popular and with good reason.
According to Wikipedia:
“Unschooling is an educational method and philosophy that
advocates learner-chosen activities as a primary means for learning.
Unschooling students learn through their natural life experiences including
play, household responsibilities, personal interests and curiosity, internships
and work experience, travel, books, elective classes, family, mentors, and
social interaction. Unschooling encourages exploration of activities initiated
by the children themselves, believing that the most personal learning is, the
more meaningful, well-understood and, therefore, useful it is to the child.
While courses may occasionally be taken, unschooling questions the usefulness
of standard curricula, conventional grading methods, and other features of
traditional schooling in the education of each unique child.”
I
couldn’t agree more. It’s about taking the reigns in our children’s education
to ensure that they are not just getting a good one but they have the
opportunity to see the great joy of learning. After six years of leaving it up
to the system, my son lost that great joy.
All Children Love To Learn
All
kids love to learn and my son was not excluded from that. After a couple
years of school, I noticed that school didn’t feel like a place of learning for
him. Learning was something that naturally manifested into his life. I taught
him sign language before he ever said his first word. He loved books, songs,
art, counting and all the stuff a child his age liked to learn about.
As
early as grade one, he began showing signs that he would prefer not to go
there. Recently I saw an episode of The Simpsons titled, ‘Lisa’s Sax’ from
Season 9, which shows a flashback to Bart’s first day of kindergarten. Some of
you may
know the one. In the episode, Bart starts his first day saying, “School will be
fun.” Shortly after, his initial enthusiasm is crushed by an uncaring and bitter
teacher who says that he would be a failure at life, and he draws a violent
sketch of his feelings. I feel that’s what it was like for my son (and many
other kids) when they entered school for the first time. They go in with
enthusiasm and excitement and end up with disdain and confusion.
In
grade four, he began to ask me questions regarding the structure of school. He
told me he didn’t like that the kids were constantly being told to be quiet and
sit still. He didn’t understand why he couldn’t eat when he was hungry. He was
confused why he couldn’t learn about the things that he liked or was interested
in. He asked why the teachers stopped using games and songs and kept play time
to a scheduled time once a week. Prompted by my son’s inquires, I was compelled
to do research about public education and its origins which I will share my
findings later in this article.
When
my son was in grade 5, I noticed that he didn’t understand basic math concepts.
Concerned, I reached out to his teacher who told me that she hadn’t noticed.
She said she would look into it and I put my faith in her that she would get to
the bottom of the problem. She never did and before I could follow up with her
as to why nothing had been done, the teachers went on strike until the following
school year. My son entered grade 6 and more problems regarding school began to
arise.
The Move That Changed Our Lives
By
February of this year, school had created a horrible rift in our home life. When I would try to
help my son with his homework, he would become extremely emotional and shut
down. This made it almost impossible to help him. Eventually he had an
emotional breakdown. He began by telling me that he was not going back to
school. After asking him why he felt so strongly about this, he listed numerous
reasons over the course of two hours.
The things he brought up were that he
felt like school was militarized. When asking why he felt like that he said
because of the rules, the loud
sound of the bell and that they made them run outside in the winter rain and
cold everyday even if they didn’t want to. He felt like school was boring
because he never had the opportunity to learn what he was interested in. How
many of you reading this ask your children what they learned about in school
when they come home and they reply with, “Nothing” or “Boring stuff”? My son
disagreed with how the kids were treated, specifically that the teachers were
above the students and that they were like masters and the kids were like
slaves (his words). He didn’t feel like what he was learning about would
benefit him in any way, not now, not ever. He felt stupid and the pressure of
“competing” with his peers was unbearable.
This
incident deeply saddened me. From what I could see, my baby was suffering and
as his mother, it was my duty to find a solution to this and I feel I have. I
had been toying with the idea of home education for years. Every day after
school, I would tutor my son on things he would never learn while attending
school which I think was the basis for him to be able to have an awareness that
something just wasn’t right at that place. I so badly wanted him to see the joy
of learning and how beneficial it is to be educated but felt with the lack of
funding and set curriculum that was not possible. After laying out my options
with home education and studying the philosophies and methods of un-schooling,
I pulled my son from the school.
The Teachers Know That Public Education Is Horribly Flawed
I
sent an email to his teacher explaining a bit about why I was taking my son
out of public education which prompted the teacher to call me. We had a very
long, enlightening conversation regarding the school system. The teacher told
me that he completely supported and agreed with my decision to educate my son
at home. He knew that the system was out-dated at best and the kids are not
benefiting from it in anyway. He stated that most kids in his class were having
meltdowns at home and in school regarding it. He agreed with me that the system
doesn’t teach the kids how to be critical thinkers and that can be very
dangerous for a society as a whole.
He
told me that he will not be putting his kids in public education. That
statement alone was enough to tell me I was doing the right thing. My son was
in a split class and had two teachers. Between the two teachers, they shared 65
students. That is unbelievable! The teacher stated that he so badly wants to
teach but it’s so conflicting because as a teacher, his hands are tied. He has
to stick to a set curriculum and can’t really go outside of it. He said that
there literally is no funding. Most teachers pay for a lot of school supplies
out of their own pockets. This morning I read a Polk county public school
teacher’s letter of resignation. To me it’s more proof that the
teachers know that the system is horribly flawed!
How My Son’s Life Has Changed
Since
we started our journey of un-schooling, he now understands basic math concepts. His
mood has also improved greatly. When I first caught wind to him being behind, I
knew that it stemmed from his grade two year and he couldn’t get caught up
because the teachers unfortunately don’t do one-on-one help. He got behind in
the first place because he was being bullied and his teacher at the time was
also doing questionable things like not letting him go to the bathroom. That
was a bad year for him. I know that experience had a part in his perception of
school and him falling behind. Regardless, nothing was done on the teacher’s
part to rectify the problem and how could they if they don’t have the time or
resources to give one-on-one help. The principal of my son’s school said that
they don’t offer one-on-one help at that school and most public schools.
The
change from my son while he was in public school to un-schooling is like night
and day. Now, he has complete say in what he learns about and because I know
his interests, I can incorporate them into all subjects that he’s doing for
that week. For example: he is completely obsessed with Samurais. So he
completed math worksheets that had samurais on them, we explored the science of
making katana swords, the geography of Japan, the history of the Edo period (time
of the Samurais), writing assignments based on monks and Buddhism, the culture
of Japan throughout history and now, and lots more. I couldn’t believe how I
could incorporate samurais into every single subject.
Eventually,
he started having self-directed days where he is his own teacher. He has the
reigns and can decide what pace to go at and how much he wants to complete in
one day. Some people have asked me if he does anything on the days when were
not working together. Through un-schooling he has learned the importance and
magic of learning. It’s all centered around his interests, passions, and
curiosities so of course he does. He has the awareness that learning can
manifest in anything. Whether it’s practicing his archery, tending to the
plants, cooking, travelling, engaging in his passions and spending time with
the ones he loves; he knows anything he engages himself in can teach him. When
he was in school, he never set goals. Since we’ve been working together he sets
goals and achieves them all the time. We have no set curriculum; he is in
control with me as a guide.
The
greatest thing that I’ve learned through this experience is that we must be
engaged in our children’s learning. Even if un-schooling doesn’t seem like an
option. We can’t expect that all their education needs will be met at school.
For example, the things he has learned through un-schooling that he could not
learn while attending public education include: cooking, the Japanese language,
Nikola Tesla, how to take notes, the power of one, philosophy, philosophers,
astronomy, Gandhi (and other greats like him), quantum physics, Buddhism,
Jesus, yoga, meditation, critical thinking, archery, how to grow food,
laws of attraction, the power of gratitude, wilderness survival, various conscious
documentaries like “I Am”, in depth political history and how society was
built, natural healing and medicines, knowledge of self and so, so, so much
more! As a parent and an enthusiastic student of the universe, I believe all
these things and more should be taught through public education! We must fill
in the gaps whatever way we can in our current situations. The system is broken
and the children are suffering.
The Evidence That Something Needs To Change
Aside
from my son’s personal experience with school, there are other reasons that pushed
me to make the move into home education. The most important one is the origins
of public education. I truly believe that if parents knew what public education
was really created for, they would never enrol their children in it.
I
wrote an article regarding the origins which you can view here. I highly recommend that you read this article which
highlights John D. Rockefeller’s investment of and his involvement in it (to
the outcry of parents and education professionals alike) as well as Horace
Mann’s (“The Father of Education”) role in it and his ties to Prussia.
A
notable person I have come across who has actually taken the time to study the
long term status of the un-schoolers is Peter Gray. He is a Boston College
research professor who has studied how learning happens without any academic
requirements at a democratic school. In 2011, he decided to conduct a study
with his colleague Gina Riley regarding a question he had that was centered
around the outcome of the 10% of un-schoolers from the estimated two million
children who are home schooled. He was prompted to conduct the study after
finding no academic studies that adequately answered his question.
“In 2011, he and colleague Gina Riley surveyed 232
parents who unschool their children, which they defined as not following any
curriculum, instead letting the children take charge of their own education.
The respondents were overwhelmingly positive about their unschooling
experience, saying it improved their children’s general well-being as well as
their learning, and also enhanced family harmony. Their challenges primarily
stemmed from feeling a need to defend their practices to family and friends,
and overcoming their own deeply ingrained ways of thinking about education.
(The results are discussed at length here.)”
Prompted
by his own curiosity about how un-schooled children felt about their education
experience and how this may have impacted their ability to pursue higher
education and obtain gainful and satisfying employment, he conducted a study in
2013 in which he surveyed 75 adults ranging in age from 18 to 49; almost all of
them had 3 years of un-schooling experience. The results and Gray’s remarks on
the findings of the survey are quite long. You can read the entirety
of the article and results here. Below I will paraphrase some of the points that
really stood out for me in regards to questions I have been asked regarding my
son’s future (going to college or finding employment).
“All but three of the 75 respondents
felt the advantages of unschooling clearly outweighed the disadvantages. Almost
all said they benefited
from having had the time and freedom to discover and pursue their personal
interests, giving them a head start on figuring out their career preferences
and developing expertise in relevant areas. Seventy percent also said “the
experience enabled them to develop as highly self-motivated, self-directed
individuals,” Gray notes on his blog. Other commonly cited benefits included
having a broader range of learning opportunities; a richer, age-mixed social
life; and a relatively seamless transition to adult life. “In many ways I
started as an adult, responsible for my own thinking and doing,” said one woman
who responded to Gray’s survey.”
““Very few had any serious complaints
against unschooling,” Gray says, and more than a third of the respondents said
they could think of no disadvantages at all. For the remainder, the most
significant disadvantages were: dealing with others’ judgments; some degree of
social isolation; and the challenges they experienced adjusting to the social
styles and values of their schooled peers.”
“What stood out, he adds, is that “many
more said they felt their social experiences were better than they would have
had in school.” Sixty-nine percent were “clearly happy with their social
lives,” he says, and made friends through such avenues as local homeschooling
groups, organized afterschool activities, church, volunteer or youth
organizations, jobs, and neighbors. In particular, “they really treasured the
fact that they had friends who were older or younger, including adults. They
felt this was a more normal kind of socializing experience than just being with
other people your age.””
“Three people were very dissatisfied
overall. In all three cases, the respondents said their mothers were in poor
mental health and the fathers were uninvolved. Two of the three also happened
to be the only ones who mentioned having been raised in a fundamentalist
religious home, though the survey didn’t ask this question specifically. It
appeared to Gray that the unschooling was not intentional—the parent had aimed
to teach a religious curriculum, “but was incompetent and stopped teaching,” he
notes. In all of these cases, the children’s contact with other people was also
very restricted; moreover, they were not given any choice about their schooling
and therefore felt deprived of school.”
“Overall, 83 percent of the respondents
had gone on to pursue some form of higher education. Almost half of those had
either completed a bachelor’s degree or higher, or were currently enrolled in
such a program; they attended (or had graduated from) a wide range of colleges,
from Ivy League universities to state universities and smaller liberal-arts
colleges.”
“In the words of one woman: “I already
had a wealth of experience with self-directed study. I knew how to motivate
myself, manage my time, and complete assignments without the structure that
most traditional students are accustomed to. … I know how to figure things out
for myself and how to get help when I need it.” Added another: “I discovered
that people wanted the teacher to tell them what to think. … It had never, ever
occurred to me to ask someone else to tell me what to think when I read
something.””
More Evidence
Jeff Bliss – A Voice From The Front Lines
Hackschooling
Makes Me happy | Logan LaPlante | TEDxUniversityofNevada
High
School Valedictorian Speaks Out Against Schooling
4th
Grade Student Sounds Off On State Testing
What Is The Solution?
I’m
all about creating sustainable solutions that we can start implementing today. I wanted to share
my story about my son in hopes that it will help other parents who
are watching their children suffer in the school system and to know that there
are other options. I believe that our children are the future and as such, it
is our duty to make sure they have not just a good education but an inspiring
and enlightening one so they don’t make the same mistakes my generation and
generations before me have made.
There
has been a large increase on discussions regarding public education and the
effect it’s having on our children. I personally believe that the whole system
needs to be changed. It’s outdated and has sinister roots. We have the power to
change things and talking about the solutions is a good start.
Recently,
I read an article titled, ‘Why every parent should consider un-schooling’. In it, it
states that with programs like No Child Left Behind (millions of
children have actually been left behind) and Common Core (otherwise known as
Common Conformity) in the United States, parents are finding the educational
climate so unacceptable that they are willing to take a radically different
path. Upon reading that, I was reminded of another article I read regarding director James Cameron (Titantic,
Avatar) and his wife Suzy Cameron creating an innovative school called Muse.
The concept behind MUSE came about after Suzy, a global environmental activist,
mother of 5, and proud wife, grew tired of watching her older children struggle
in the traditional education system, and sought an alternative and more
environmentally aware option.
I
definitely think creating new schools with the basis of the “un-schooling”
philosophy is what we need but for many parents that can seem like light years
away especially when our children are suffering now. I’ve written many articles
on how any parent can adopt the philosophies of un-schooling or home education
even if they have to work during the day. There is always a way. It really
depends on how much work you are willing to put in. I will list the articles
below as well as some other resources about un-schooling. I hope they are
helpful for those who are considering like I was. Above all, I think if we work
together, we can create a better, happier and more sustainable world for
ourselves and generations to come and I believe the key to this is conscious
education rooted from passion and expansion with no child ever being excluded
or left behind.
Un-Schooling Resources:
For Those Who Are Considering Home Education <- article="" click="" read="" span="" to="">
Home Education For The Conscious Parent <- article="" click="" read="" span="" to="">
Dayna Martin
Dayna
Martin is an activist, educator and author of, Radical Unschooling: A Revolution Has Begun. She does
Unschooling and Peaceful Parenting coaching. You can learn more about Dayna at
her website: http://daynamartin.com/
Peter
Gray, Ph. D, research professor at Boston College, is author of Free to Learn (Basic Books, 2013) and Psychology
(Worth Publishers, a college textbook now in its 7th edition). He has
conducted and published research in comparative, evolutionary, developmental,
and educational psychology. He did his undergraduate study at Columbia
University and earned a Ph.D. in biological sciences at Rockefeller University.
His current research and writing focus primarily on children’s natural ways of
learning and the life-long value of play. You can learn more about Peter and
his work at this website: http://www.freetolearnbook.com/
Sources:
http://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2014/09/02/how-do-unschoolers-turn-out/
http://www.collective-evolution.com/2014/01/07/this-is-what-happens-when-a-kid-leaves-traditional-education/
http://www.collective-evolution.com/2013/03/08/high-school-valedictorian-speaks-out-against-schooling/
http://www.collective-evolution.com/2015/04/21/4th-grader-rocks-common-core-education-by-asking-school-board-one-question/
From Collective
Evolution @ http://www.collective-evolution.com/2015/11/05/why-i-chose-to-un-school-my-son/
For more information about edumacayshun see http://nexusilluminati.blogspot.com/search/label/education
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